Changing Fundamentals

I am discovering that this process is changing the fundamentals about my life. How I am thinking about everything is much different now. It's really changing how I spend my free time, how I view the people I come across daily & my time with Burk, just to name a few. I used to think Burk & I couldn't get enough time together & I was always ready to fight (not physically of course, ok well maybe that one time) anyone who jeopardized the time we did get. And now all of a sudden, I am able to put that behind me & embrace every moment that we spend together, as if nothing else matters & it's wonderful!! And my freetime used to be spent on Facebook or doing something equally lame. Now I researching my options, watching videos and writing. And all I do at work now, is talk about how I am feeling about all this. My co-workers are wonderful & I owe them HUGE for listening to me ramble on for hours about all this.

Just going through this process is giving my life a whole new meaning but I do worry that even though this is a good thing, what if we decide not to do this? How will I ever be able to go back? I feel stronger and more empowered & I have already come so far. But I am certain that I am not & never will use the term "super women" to describe myself or anyone else, who goes through this. This is just a part of life, a fork in the road & life altering decision. Super powers, NOT INCLUDED!!!

One thing is for sure, as silly as this sounds music is by far a wonderful way to express how we are feeling at times. And sometimes others can pinpoint exactly how we are feeling & bring things out that we didn't even know existed. So with this process, one of my favorite songs has taken on a whole new meaning. Don't laugh, I know this is super lame but "Let It Go" is my theme song at the moment. And not just letting go of my past but all my fears, worries and feelings on becoming a parent. And completely giving them up to God.

Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always had to be
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know
Well now they know

I was always afraid to let people see how I really felt about having kids & now you know! And you know that I am no longer afraid to share that.

It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all
Up here in the cold thin air I finally can breathe
I know I left a life behind but I'm too relieved to grieve

My fears, even though they will always exist but now in much smaller manageable quantities. I know I have left that life behind but I really am too relieved to grieve. 

All for now!!

Angie