Burk & I were talking last night & we have decided that we will pretty much mentally high five anyone in the face that admits that they either got pregnant on accident or nailed it on the first try haha! Maybe then they won't be so quick to spout off their rather uneventful accomplishments. Clearly, right now I can not envy those who didn't have to work for it!!! In my mind, they are like freaks of nature defying the laws of science & everything else for that matter. Ok, I am done & I am only joking!! Anyone who has "tried" knows this is not easy & it's exhausting back breaking labor. I woke up this morning feeling a little broken by our attempts. And I realize it's only going to get better (or worse, depending on how you want to look it) from here. But I do feel much more confident about our attempts this month versus last.
I have exchanged the basic how to's with so many people & so thankful to have so many of you rooting for us. But it's easy to see how we messed up last month. Bottom line is we started too early...6 days out (from ovulation) was too much for us. And by the time I was ovulating, we were both so exhausted that we just couldn't make it happen. My advice, don't start more than 72 hrs prior to ovulation. It's just not necessary. Unless by chance you & your partner have some freaky amazing stamina & can perform non stop for 6 days. We were able to accomplish 72 hours prior & 48 hours prior, which means we have 2 attempts to back us up. And if we are up to it, we could have 1 more. And then all that's left is the waiting..the nail biting, I hate this more than anything, waiting. But with God anything is possible!!!
We joke constantly about how everything has to be perfectly lined up to make this work. And of the 2 of us, I will let you guess who you think is the most opinionated about all the things that have to be just right, like the room temperature must be at a certain degree & no dogs out (barking is always a distraction)...well you were wrong, it's Burk, NOT ME!!! I know, I was shocked too!!! I love him so much for wanting this so bad but he has to have everything just right. And it's sweet but funny all at the same time. That's all for now. Keep the prayers coming!!!
XOXO,
Angie
Monday, March 9, 2015
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
No Baby Yet
I debated over whether or not to just post a status update on FB or actually address this in a post, as you can see the post won!!! I knew it was coming (stupid period). But for the 1st time in my life, it's arrival wasn't met with cheers & high fives for not getting preggers!! Crazy part is I knew it was coming about a week ago. And knew in my heart we had not been successful this round. But nothing was certain til it arrived. I tried not to focus on the fact that we apparently don't know how to do "it" right haha but on the fact that my Ladytimer app actually calculated my ovulating precisely so we nailed it (no pun intended) timing wise. It just wasn't God's perfect timing yet. I never cried, which surprised me a little. But I did get upset about things that didn't really matter. I think that was just my way of dealing with the disappointment. This is hard & there is no way around the amount of patience one has to have with this process. But we will try it again & again until we get this right. I think next month will be so much easier & I am going to feel like a pro!!
Friday, February 13, 2015
Rough Week & Ways to Cope
Even though things are much better now, the beginning of this week started off rough. Only because Burk & I are taking very different approaches on how to cope during this waiting period. He is basically erring on the side of caution & trying not to get anyone's hopes up yet by assuming no pregnancy until the test says so. But as the bearer of this child, I feel like it is my job to assume that I am (going to get) pregnant, remaining calm, relaxed & giving my body the best chance to do it's job. Which means, I need him to do whatever he can to support that. And keep our home as peaceful as possible. But if that test comes back & says no, then that's ok & we will try again. God has a plan & I am walking in faith no matter what. But it seemed like hope was being lost.
After a few days of really stupid arguments that weren't helping me relax at all, we sat down & talked. I explained that I can't walk around pretending I am not pregnant. Not only is that incredibly depressing to me but not all in keeping with the faith I have in God. But that doesn't mean I am telling people I am pregnant either. Of course, being the Burk I know & love he started telling me all the things I needed to be doing. Like giving me a long list of todo's was going to help me relax. One funny thing I have to share is that he thought I needed to up my calories in my fitness app. I laughed & asked him how many calories do you think a pregnant woman should be eating? He responded, "a lot more than you are now!" I laughed & told him that we only need to eat about 300 extra calories a day & that doesn't begin until the second trimester. I wish ya'll could have seen his face, it was priceless. I just realized I am going to have to count on my close female friends (you know who you are) a lot during this process because I can't expect him to understand all this.
Just prior to us sitting down & talking, I did something that helped me tremendously. I went into a maternity store in the mall & looked around a bit. I figured that since I was feeling down about not knowing yet, that being surrounded by those who have been in my shoes, might help. And in the process I could start planning cute maternity outfits. Well it worked!!! I found tons of cute stuff. I even found the perfect pillow for sleeping on my side, it's a must have.
I have also been taking online quizzes just for fun, to find out the kind of mom I am going to be, apparently I favor a "Whatever Works" kind. I will try things but if they don't work then no biggie, I will just try something else. And I will try not to do things just because a book tells me so. I really want to focus on what works best for the baby & for us. And just spend time getting used to everything & not pushing myself too hard to figure it all out at once. That's all for now. Hope everyone has a wonderful Valentine's day,we are doing a quiet dinner at home with homemade sushi (cooked for me of course, just in case), can't wait!!!
XOXO,
Angie
After a few days of really stupid arguments that weren't helping me relax at all, we sat down & talked. I explained that I can't walk around pretending I am not pregnant. Not only is that incredibly depressing to me but not all in keeping with the faith I have in God. But that doesn't mean I am telling people I am pregnant either. Of course, being the Burk I know & love he started telling me all the things I needed to be doing. Like giving me a long list of todo's was going to help me relax. One funny thing I have to share is that he thought I needed to up my calories in my fitness app. I laughed & asked him how many calories do you think a pregnant woman should be eating? He responded, "a lot more than you are now!" I laughed & told him that we only need to eat about 300 extra calories a day & that doesn't begin until the second trimester. I wish ya'll could have seen his face, it was priceless. I just realized I am going to have to count on my close female friends (you know who you are) a lot during this process because I can't expect him to understand all this.
Just prior to us sitting down & talking, I did something that helped me tremendously. I went into a maternity store in the mall & looked around a bit. I figured that since I was feeling down about not knowing yet, that being surrounded by those who have been in my shoes, might help. And in the process I could start planning cute maternity outfits. Well it worked!!! I found tons of cute stuff. I even found the perfect pillow for sleeping on my side, it's a must have.
I have also been taking online quizzes just for fun, to find out the kind of mom I am going to be, apparently I favor a "Whatever Works" kind. I will try things but if they don't work then no biggie, I will just try something else. And I will try not to do things just because a book tells me so. I really want to focus on what works best for the baby & for us. And just spend time getting used to everything & not pushing myself too hard to figure it all out at once. That's all for now. Hope everyone has a wonderful Valentine's day,we are doing a quiet dinner at home with homemade sushi (cooked for me of course, just in case), can't wait!!!
XOXO,
Angie
Monday, February 9, 2015
The Waiting Begins
And now we wait...2 weeks of waiting!!! This is the not so fun part. I asked Burk if he felt like time was creeping by & he responded that it wasn't for him. So I realize now it's a women thing..oh my gravy, hours feel like days right now. Although I wouldn't say that I am obsessing about being pregnant, I would say that my body can be easily persuaded by my desire to be pregnant. After taking a quiz (just for fun), I am experiencing about 25% of the signs that I may be pregnant. But I take that with a grain of salt.
Right now, I feel slightly (that may be an understatement) more anxious than I normally do, so I am doing a lot things that bring me peace & calm me. I have already had 2 episodes this week, luckily neither lasted more than a few minutes. However, feeling like I am going to pass out & having my heart race is just not any fun. I used to feel weak & out of control when my anxiety would hit. And I would beat myself up over not being able to control it. But I have come to accept it as a part of life & not judge myself too harshly, especially right now. I have to let go & let God.
I know that if we find out that our efforts didn't pay off this month we still have plenty of time to conceive. I have learned that 3-6 months on average is what it takes, so I am mentally prepared if it doesn't happen. But I am not going to be emotionally prepared. And I know I am probably going to cry. Just because of how hard we worked in a very short time frame. And let me say that the exhaustion from trying was hard on both of us. By the end of it, we were finding it hard to stay motivated but we managed to push thru it. So, I have developed a whole new respect for those that are trying. It's not easy having to do that everyday or even every other day. I apologize if that's too much information. But I am sure we are not are the first to feel that way. And after all I promised to be honest about this process.
Right now, we just need your prayers. Prayers for peace & for the next 2 weeks to not creep by so slowly that I lose my mind. And prayers that my anxiety will realize it's not welcomed here. Thanks for being a part of this journey. That's all for now.
XOXO,
Angie
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Why Do We Call Parenting a Job?
I posed the question on my Facebook page & received roughly the same answer from everyone. Thank you for your feedback!! We can all agree that parenting is a 24 hour a day responsibility that comes with lots of laughter, hugs & kisses but it also comes with making the decisions that are going to be best for our little ones. What I am about to share is my opinion. So, I want to prepare you for some sarcasm, some laughter & the opportunity to embrace another's viewpoint on becoming a parent.
In my opinion, calling parenting a job, makes it sound impersonal. Let me explain...when we are at our jobs, we are dealing with strangers...people who don't really know who we are. And for me, I have operated under the reality that we never really know the people we work with because we don't see them outside of work. They only see the work us, not the personal us. Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone. But it does for me. And I consider work me & home me as two different people. I do not go home at night & try to sell tea to Burk...haha!! When I go home, I am there to love him & build our life's together. If we call parenting a job, how would that apply when there are those out there who hate their jobs? And only have them as a means to support their families. These people will probably never put into a job what they will put into loving their spouse & children. However, I am perfectly fine with comparing parenting to community service..it's forced on some & you don't get paid. Or maybe it's a you do the crime you do the time kind of scenario, sex is the crime & the time comes 9 months later with an 18 yr sentence!!! But for me, I don't see this as job.
I think there's a special (like stop eating the paste, kind of special haha) group of people out there that put themselves above those who don't have kids & make very overstated comments about what being a parent is really like, to throw off others & make them feel less than adequate for their choices in life. I have seen it for years now. And I believe that it's years of this being passed down from generation to generation that has led to the negative stereotype that parenting is a job. But in reality parenting is a journey, with ups & downs, lessons galore, hugs, kisses, sometimes it's easy but sometimes it's not & it can seem like a job but it's LIFE. And it's why we are here. To love others, to take care of those around us.
Here are some aspects of jobs & parenting that differ:
Jobs Parenting
Given to 1 person Given to 2 ppl
Get time off 24/7
Payment in $ Payment in hugs, kisses, smiles, laughter
People tell you what to do You & your spouse are the boss
Interview process No interview process
Get a lunch break No food for you, haha!!!
Can be fired, laid off Can never be fired or laid off
Burk & I have put so much into this already...just in the last 2 months. I have come home at night and crashed just from the sheer exhaustion & the emotional aspects of making this decision. But I have never thought about this as a job. After all the bible tells us that children are a blessing, a reward!! And I intend to continue to fully embrace, every moment of this journey. Praying that our efforts to conceive pay off sooner than later. And that we are forever changed into better people because of this. That's all for now.
XOXO,
Angie
In my opinion, calling parenting a job, makes it sound impersonal. Let me explain...when we are at our jobs, we are dealing with strangers...people who don't really know who we are. And for me, I have operated under the reality that we never really know the people we work with because we don't see them outside of work. They only see the work us, not the personal us. Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone. But it does for me. And I consider work me & home me as two different people. I do not go home at night & try to sell tea to Burk...haha!! When I go home, I am there to love him & build our life's together. If we call parenting a job, how would that apply when there are those out there who hate their jobs? And only have them as a means to support their families. These people will probably never put into a job what they will put into loving their spouse & children. However, I am perfectly fine with comparing parenting to community service..it's forced on some & you don't get paid. Or maybe it's a you do the crime you do the time kind of scenario, sex is the crime & the time comes 9 months later with an 18 yr sentence!!! But for me, I don't see this as job.
I think there's a special (like stop eating the paste, kind of special haha) group of people out there that put themselves above those who don't have kids & make very overstated comments about what being a parent is really like, to throw off others & make them feel less than adequate for their choices in life. I have seen it for years now. And I believe that it's years of this being passed down from generation to generation that has led to the negative stereotype that parenting is a job. But in reality parenting is a journey, with ups & downs, lessons galore, hugs, kisses, sometimes it's easy but sometimes it's not & it can seem like a job but it's LIFE. And it's why we are here. To love others, to take care of those around us.
Here are some aspects of jobs & parenting that differ:
Jobs Parenting
Given to 1 person Given to 2 ppl
Get time off 24/7
Payment in $ Payment in hugs, kisses, smiles, laughter
People tell you what to do You & your spouse are the boss
Interview process No interview process
Get a lunch break No food for you, haha!!!
Can be fired, laid off Can never be fired or laid off
Burk & I have put so much into this already...just in the last 2 months. I have come home at night and crashed just from the sheer exhaustion & the emotional aspects of making this decision. But I have never thought about this as a job. After all the bible tells us that children are a blessing, a reward!! And I intend to continue to fully embrace, every moment of this journey. Praying that our efforts to conceive pay off sooner than later. And that we are forever changed into better people because of this. That's all for now.
XOXO,
Angie
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
The Perfect Valentine's Day
Well, Valentine's Day is just around the corner & after last year we weren't sure how we could top it..mostly because so much thought & planning went into it. Of course, we now laugh at the thought of thinking we couldn't top, an indoor fondue picnic by the fireplace!!! Even though it was very romantic.
Obviously, so much has changed in the last year, even in the last 2 months & we thought what better way to celebrate Valentine's 2015 than to start trying to get pregnant. Yep, it's really happening (I am really just trying to convince myself at this point)!!! We are so excited, scared, hopeful & about a millon other emotions all wrapped into one. When I get pregnant, we have agreed to not share the news immediately. But we are not going to make anyone wait 3 months either. There's a balance & we need all the prayers we can get. So, as soon as we both feel like we have saviored the news as a couple, we will share it. After all we want nothing more than to have all of you join us in celebrating the expansion of our family!!! All I ask of you now, please pray that our future child has Burk's brains & my good looks & I think we will be just fine HAHA!! That's all for now.
Angie
Angie
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Conquering the "What If's"
Earlier this week, I laid in bed trying to go to sleep, worrying about baby stuff. I couldn't stop thinking about all the "what if's" & of course it's like a one way ticket to crazy-town. So, I started to pray & a quiet voice told me that by the time you have this baby...none of that will matter. I will watch over you & take care of you...don't worry. And even though it wasn't immediate, peace eventually came over me & I feel asleep.
God is clearly no longer listening to me when I say that I am not ready for this. So no matter how much I worry that this is happening too fast or that we are not ready...won't change where we are headed. Because as soon as I start worrying, God reminds me of the long trail of how he has prepared us to be ready, down thru the years. All the fears I have already conquered, thanks to him. And all the trials that we have come out on the other side of, like both losing our jobs at the same time. Throughout all of that, we survived. Not just as individuals but as a couple & we are so much stronger for having gone through that stuff together..this should be no different. So, I will continue to give up my worries to God. And yes, they will come back & I will give them up again. It's a never-ending cycle but it's ok, when we are trying to make the most important decision we will ever make as a couple.
The worry and doubt has been what's kept us baby free for 10 years. And I imagine that's the way it is for a lot of people. It's hard to push past all of that. And I was honestly content with it just being the two of us. Until a light bulb flipped on inside me, back in December. And those negative "what if's" started changing into positive ones. Let this be a lesson, that I need to remind myself to replace the negative "what if's" with positive ones, anytime I start worrying. Because I know God is telling me that his plan is bigger than what I had in mind for myself. He wants us to put our trust in him & just let go. He has been planting this seed for years. This is not easy...this is not who I thought I was. I am forever being changed because of my love for Burk, for God & God's love for us. And it's amazing & freaking scary all at the same time!!! I tear up just thinking about how emotional this journey has already been & how it's going to only get better & better as we move into the next phase of all this...the actually getting pregnant part. Holy crap, there I said it!! Oh my, I am so scared...make it stop, I am not ready..wait yes I am but no I am not. See, I AM crazy!!! I can't be a mom, I am going to lose my mind, haha :)!!! That's all for now.
Angie
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