We Can Get Pregnant!!!

That's the good news...we can get pregnant..YIPPIE!! The bad news is something went wrong (we don't like the M word, so it will not be used) & 5 weeks into it...we are back to trying. I only knew for 5 days that I was pregnant..in that there's a blessing. My symptoms had only just begun (oh my goodness, the gas!!!) & I probably wouldn't have known if the test had not come up positive.

I want to say this...I do not believe that this should be kept a secret. Not talking about it is dangerous & sends the wrong message to women everywhere..that this is a taboo subject. Well, it can happen to anyone. And it should not be a secret. We have to talk about this or we will go crazy!!! I feared that this was one of the worst things, one could ever experience because no one really talks about it.  Well I am here to talk about it. In hopes that if you ever find yourself where I am right now or know someone who is, you know you can come to me & I will understand. And for us, we are coming out on the other side much stronger and with a clearer understanding of why babies are such miracles & gifts from God. And I am even more excited about getting pregnant again & carrying this baby to full term.

Here's what happened....I went to work on Monday April 27 & within a few hours, I knew what was happening. I ran to my OBGYN, took some blood-work & then they called the next day to confirm it was true. Thank goodness, I was off work on Tuesday, so I could just rest. In fact that's pretty much all I have done is rest. Tuesday night I got to experience what I imagine was just a glimpse into what giving birth is like. In fact, the pain (that came in the form of severe cramping) was my body doing it's job & God was taking away what wasn't right. About an hour into it, Burk grabbed me some pain meds & handed them to me. It had not occurred to me to ask for anything. When you are in a state like that you just want to get on the other side of it. And within 20 mins, the pain had subsided.

For me, the entire process took 7 days to complete. This doesn't happen overnight. But our bodies are very smart & they know what to do. For 7 days, I had up's & down's. Someday's I would have some energy early on in the day but by mid afternoon, I would crash. And I am not talking about a normal late afternoon crash, that is easily cured with caffine...oh no, I am talking about I was not able to stand, kind of crash. And other days, I just never got out of bed. I imagine this is God's way of preparing me for what's to come for 9 months, when we do get pregnant again.

I am so thankful for all the love & support we received. I am forever grateful to those who reached out & checked on me. And offered up an hear for me to vent into. I would never had made it the last week without you. There's a lot of emotions that are still playing out. We lost a child, that we will never get to hold or love & that's the hardest part of all this. But we are in the process of grieving & I may do another post later on describing what we are going to do to help us get past this. But like I said, we are still working on that part. I want to assure everyone that we are going to be fine. We are going back to the Dr. today, to get game plan together so this doesn't ever happen again. And I will let you all know, what that means soon, And the statistics show that we are much more likely to get pregnant again, very fast. So fingers crossed & prayers going up!!!

Much love,
Angie