No Baby Yet

I debated over whether or not to just post a status update on FB or actually address this in a post, as you can see the post won!!! I knew it was coming (stupid period). But for the 1st time in my life, it's arrival wasn't met with cheers & high fives for not getting preggers!! Crazy part is I knew it was coming about a week ago. And knew in my heart we had not been successful this round. But nothing was certain til it arrived. I tried not to focus on the fact that we apparently don't know how to do "it" right haha but on the fact that my Ladytimer app actually calculated my ovulating precisely so we nailed it (no pun intended) timing wise. It just wasn't God's perfect timing yet. I never cried, which surprised me a little. But I did get upset about things that didn't really matter. I think that was just my way of dealing with the disappointment. This is hard & there is no way around the amount of patience one has to have with this process. But we will try it again & again until we get this right. I think next month will be so much easier & I am going to feel like a pro!!  

Rough Week & Ways to Cope

Even though things are much better now, the beginning of this week started off rough. Only because Burk & I are taking very different approaches on how to cope during this waiting period. He is basically erring on the side of caution & trying not to get anyone's hopes up yet by assuming no pregnancy until the test says so. But as the bearer of this child, I feel like it is my job to assume that I am (going to get) pregnant, remaining calm, relaxed & giving my body the best chance to do it's job. Which means, I need him to do whatever he can to support that. And keep our home as peaceful as possible. But if that test comes back & says no, then that's ok & we will try again. God has a plan & I am walking in faith no matter what. But it seemed like hope was being lost.

After a few days of really stupid arguments that weren't helping me relax at all, we sat down & talked. I explained that I can't walk around pretending I am not pregnant. Not only is that incredibly depressing to me but not all in keeping with the faith I have in God. But that doesn't mean I am telling people I am pregnant either. Of course, being the Burk I know & love he started telling me all the things I needed to be doing. Like giving me a long list of todo's was going to help me relax. One funny thing I have to share is that he thought I needed to up my calories in my fitness app. I laughed & asked him how many calories do you think a pregnant woman should be eating? He responded, "a lot more than you are now!" I laughed & told him that we only need to eat about 300 extra calories a day & that doesn't begin until the second trimester. I wish ya'll could have seen his face, it was priceless. I just realized I am going to have to count on my close female friends (you know who you are) a lot during this process because I can't expect him to understand all this.

Just prior to us sitting down & talking, I did something that helped me tremendously. I went into a maternity store in the mall & looked around a bit. I figured that since I was feeling down about not knowing yet, that being surrounded by those who have been in my shoes, might help. And in the process I could start planning cute maternity outfits. Well it worked!!! I found tons of cute stuff. I even found the perfect pillow for sleeping on my side, it's a must have.

I have also been taking online quizzes just for fun, to find out the kind of mom I am going to be, apparently I favor a "Whatever Works" kind. I will try things but if they don't work then no biggie, I will just try something else. And I will try not to do things just because a book tells me so. I really want to focus on what works best for the baby & for us. And just spend time getting used to everything & not pushing myself too hard to figure it all out at once. That's all for now. Hope everyone has a wonderful Valentine's day,we are doing a quiet dinner at home with homemade sushi (cooked for me of course, just in case), can't wait!!!

XOXO,
Angie

The Waiting Begins

And now we wait...2 weeks of waiting!!! This is the not so fun part. I asked Burk if he felt like time was creeping by & he responded that it wasn't for him. So I realize now it's a women thing..oh my gravy, hours feel like days right now. Although I wouldn't say that I am obsessing about being pregnant, I would say that my body can be easily persuaded by my desire to be pregnant. After taking a quiz (just for fun), I am experiencing about 25% of the signs that I may be pregnant. But I take that with a grain of salt.

Right now, I feel slightly (that may be an understatement) more anxious than I normally do, so I am doing a lot things that bring me peace & calm me. I have already had 2 episodes this week, luckily neither lasted more than a few minutes. However, feeling like I am going to pass out & having my heart race is just not any fun. I used to feel weak & out of control when my anxiety would hit. And I would beat myself up over not being able to control it. But I have come to accept it as a part of life & not judge myself too harshly, especially right now. I have to let go & let God.

I know that if we find out that our efforts didn't pay off this month we still have plenty of time to conceive. I have learned that 3-6 months on average is what it takes, so I am mentally prepared if it doesn't happen. But I am not going to be emotionally prepared. And I know I am probably going to cry. Just because of how hard we worked in a very short time frame. And let me say that the exhaustion from trying was hard on both of us. By the end of it, we were finding it hard to stay motivated but we managed to push thru it. So, I have developed a whole new respect for those that are trying. It's not easy having to do that everyday or even every other day. I apologize if that's too much information. But I am sure we are not are the first to feel that way. And after all I promised to be honest about this process.

Right now, we just need your prayers. Prayers for peace & for the next 2 weeks to not creep by so slowly that I lose my mind. And prayers that my anxiety will realize it's not welcomed here. Thanks for being a part of this journey. That's all for now.

XOXO,
Angie

Why Do We Call Parenting a Job?

I posed the question on my Facebook page & received roughly the same answer from everyone. Thank you for your feedback!! We can all agree that parenting is a 24 hour a day responsibility that comes with lots of laughter, hugs & kisses but it also comes with making the decisions that are going to be best for our little ones. What I am about to share is my opinion. So, I want to prepare you for some sarcasm, some laughter & the opportunity to embrace another's viewpoint on becoming a parent.

In my opinion, calling parenting a job, makes it sound impersonal. Let me explain...when we are at our jobs, we are dealing with strangers...people who don't really know who we are. And for me, I have operated under the reality that we never really know the people we work with because we don't see them outside of work. They only see the work us, not the personal us. Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone. But it does for me. And I consider work me & home me as two different people. I do not go home at night & try to sell tea to Burk...haha!! When I go home, I am there to love him & build our life's together. If we call parenting a job, how would that apply when there are those out there who hate their jobs? And only have them as a means to support their families. These people will probably never put into a job what they will put into loving their spouse & children. However, I am perfectly fine with comparing parenting to community service..it's forced on some & you don't get paid. Or maybe it's a you do the crime you do the time kind of scenario, sex is the crime & the time comes 9 months later with an 18 yr sentence!!! But for me, I don't see this as job.

I think there's a special (like stop eating the paste, kind of special haha) group of people out there that put themselves above those who don't have kids & make very overstated comments about what being a parent is really like, to throw off others & make them feel less than adequate for their choices in life. I have seen it for years now. And I believe that it's years of this being passed down from generation to generation that has led to the negative stereotype that parenting is a job. But in reality parenting is a journey, with ups & downs, lessons galore, hugs, kisses, sometimes it's easy but sometimes it's not & it can seem like a job but it's LIFE. And it's why we are here. To love others, to take care of those around us.

Here are some aspects of jobs & parenting that differ:

Jobs                                             Parenting
Given to 1 person                        Given to 2 ppl
Get time off                                  24/7
Payment in $                                Payment in hugs, kisses, smiles, laughter
People tell you what to do           You & your spouse are the boss
Interview process                         No interview process
Get a lunch break                         No food for you, haha!!!
Can be fired, laid off                    Can never be fired or laid off

Burk & I have put so much into this already...just in the last 2 months. I have come home at night and crashed just from the sheer exhaustion & the emotional aspects of making this decision. But I have never thought about this as a job. After all the bible tells us that children are a blessing, a reward!! And I intend to continue to fully embrace, every moment of this journey. Praying that our efforts to conceive pay off sooner than later. And that we are forever changed into better people because of this. That's all for now.

XOXO,
Angie